Here I am back with another computer story. I finally got the math co-processor and the motherboard straightened out. Now I am forced by these two crashing out together, to upgrade again. Is there any end to it?

Now that I know a little more about these contraptions, I decided to be brave and go out searching for a new computer. I waltzed into the local computer store, head held high. I wanted them to know that I was a well-informed customer and that way; they couldn’t pull any blinkers over my eyes.

“Hello there. How can I help you”, questioned the young man?

“I need Megs in the ram department to boost me to the next level”, I said with a little haughty shake of my naturally red hair.

“How can I boost you”, he asked?

He didn’t look like Megs to me, but I continued on.” The math coprocessor and motherboard left town and took all my cookies with them and now I have to begin again. But not to worry, this time I know exactly what to do and what I need”, I quipped with authority.

“Did you want to build it, or do you want it assembled”

“Well here now” I said as I peered over the top of my bifocals as this blooming upstart. “Why would an old gal like me want to start building things? Don’t you do these things? I mean, really, all I want is a gismo to sit on my desk and go surfing. I knew he would be impressed with my lingo.

It was confirmed by the look he gave me that he was surprised I was so intelligent and knew how to surf at my age. “Yes, sonny, I do know how to surf.”

“I thought just that mam, wouldn’t have thought for a minute you couldn’t.”

I could see this was going to be quite a battle for control from this pip squeak and myself. He had all the tell tale signs, talking over my head and all, using foreign language, thinking I didn’t understand.

“OK” he said. “Now let’s start at the beginning. Which windows did you have before? I should tell you the only thing available in windows now is Windows XP”

“Oh drat! Not this again. I just got rid of that X-rated couple from the last computer and now you are telling me that Windows is X rated? What did they X rate it for anyway, X-rated for the Parents? I know these young ones can twirl circles around us, but come on boy, give us old folks a chance to play with something clean and proper.”

I hardly got all my words out before he was doubling over pretending to laugh, but I knew he just figured out he couldn’t get the best of me. He thought he had me fooled, but I fixed him good, should never fool with an old lady.

“I’m sorry mam, I never had that question asked before. I really don’t know where they come up with these names. In order to steer you in the right direction, I need to know what you want a computer for.”

“Listen here. It’s none of your business what I want it for. I’m here to buy and I don’t need back talk from a little twit like you”

“Oh I didn’t mean to offend you mam, I need to know so I know what equipment to install in your lap top”

“Hey there, that’s it! The equipment sitting on the top of my lap is in great condition as you can see, if you’d just straighten up and stop laughing. This here is serious business and if you don’t stop this nonsense, I will find someone else to mind my business, and, young man, who said anything about a laptop.

“Oh mam, now I wasn’t getting personal. I thought perhaps you would be better suited to purchase a laptop.”

“Look here buddy. I’ve had this old laptop for over 60 years and I don’t imagine a new laptop will make any difference to my lifestyle.

“I just thought a new laptop would be much easier to manage mam. I sure didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I can get around just find with this laptop and replacing this one for a new one, would look awful funny. Would it be wrinkled?”

“No mam, it doesn’t wrinkle. It remains solid. Are you all right mam, you looking a bit odd?

“Listen I came in here to purchase a new computer, and all you can talk about is X rated things with me and getting personal with my lap top. I don’t know what this old world is coming to, but I can tell you one thing. I’m gone from here. You take your X-rated Windows and stuff them up your laptop.”

I stalked out of there leaving that young man and his ill manners behind. What is this old world coming to when an old lady, can’t get decent service. I am still without a computer. Seems my surfing days are over and I am X communicated.

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