Summer is almost over and it gets me thinking about willpower. Why I eat so many goodies over the holidays, my love handles become ski slopes. The only good thing about that I figure, was if a robber came up and tried to grab on, why he’d slide right off and hopefully fall backwards on his behind while my behind is running forward as fast as I can to get away. Hey when you’re totin those “few” extra sweets along on your behind, it isn’t easy to get away quick.
Now don’t get me wrong folks I’m not obese yet just ogeesh gotta do something. Why oh why do all those goodies hang around on your hips and belly anyway? You ever wondered about that?
It’s not as though you’re like a squirrel and can store it to munch on later. It just hangs around, down and every which way, reminding you in every crevice of you what you did!
Now the only way to get it off seems to starve myself, and that takes willpower. Well let me tell you folks about my willpower. I’m a high roller when it comes to willpower. Willpower to some means struggle. To me, it means setting goals, putting blinders on and gorging straight ahead. I am FOCUSED and I have WILLPOWER.
The only power I accept is my will.
I will use my power to attack the contents of the fridge, but only between meals and commercials.
I will eat only four quarters of the cake at once, instead of devouring all of it in teenie weenie pieces.
I will change my eating habits. Instead of inhaling my one twenty-four-hour meal, I will chew slowly, until I am full, or until the next day arrives, whichever comes first. (Even if my jaw does drop off.)
I will eat the whole bag of nachos hidden under the bed, but only if I promise to tell one person after the deed is done.
I will wear my bikini, even if I can’t see the tiny straps hidden in the crevices. I know they’re there.
I will jump on the scales every day, even if I have to adjust them when they don’t give me a proper accounting.
I will enjoy every spoon of ice cream that slides down my throat knowing that it is cooling my infected tonsils.
I will exercise everyday, going as fast as I can down the road with Cranky Cat on her leash.
I will live life to the fullest, even if it means joining those weight shows.
And, if I get into trouble, I will know it when:
The gleam in my eye is not the sun hitting my bifocals it’s food radiation.
I sit in my rocker and the rockers flatten.
My belt doesn’t buckle but my knees do.
Everything hurts and what doesn’t, I can’t find.
I finally reach the top of the ladder but can’t get down because I’ve broken all the bottom rungs.
I know I’m in for a dull evening just because I’ve forgotten to buy munchies.
My favorite part of the newspaper is advertisements for quick weight loss.
The big Ms. Clair Oil lady I spied in the mirror was me.
The only energy I have left for exercising is blinking, waving, or flicking….off my shoe.
I feel like the morning after and I haven’t crawled out of bed from the night before.
Hey, that’s why I made my New Year’s promises anyway. Felt good at the time. Didn’t last long though, my willpower got the best of me. Maybe I’ll try again next year. Maybe then folks, I will do something about it, but until then I’m turbo-charging my willpower to have fun. How is you your willpower today?
If you know anyone who would like a wee bit of laughter, please share and leave us a comment. Take care…keep smiling.