Hey if you wanna have an experience, have an ultra sound done for kidneys and bladder and whatever else they can torture you for.

After having some kidney stones blasted it was requested that I needed a follow-up done which consisted of an Ultra Sound and an Xray.  Didn’t seem like much of a task to me.  I’ve had Xrays before and they were a cinch – no big deal.

I got the call to set up the date for both to be done and the gal told me that I had to have nothing solid to eat after twelve midnight the night before and that I had to have five-eight ounce glasses of clear liquid and be finished two hours before my appointment which was slated for 11am.

I gave that clear liquid thing a little thought.  I wondered if coffee or tea was included in that.  I could easily down five cups of coffee before that.  I called to check to make sure and the nurse said no it must be water.  I wish they’d give those instructions a little clearer for old folks like me.  I drink coffee black so it is a clear dark brown. (Hey I wonder why they call it black when you don’t have cream or sugar when the colour is really brown)  Darn good job I checked eh?

Then I had to think (this thinkin sure does tire me out) about when to take it.  I realized I had to be finished with my last glass at 9am.  I thought well if I started when I got up at 6am and drank water I could get five down by 9am.  Then my brain said that was an awful long time to hold my bladder.  Oh heck why don’t we tell it like it is to hold peeing.  I thought some more and finally decided on started at 8am and that was one every quarter and I could slip the extra one in at 9am.

The morning wore on and I thought wow no trouble here, but then at 10:30am I was in pain. My ride to the test came and I careened him out the door immediately saying we had to get there early and perhaps they would take me early.  I was trying to get my coat on, crossing my legs, walking quickly all around the kitchen table and singing loudly hoping I would be distracted with all the commotion.  No such luck! My ride drove a pickup truck, so I warned him what could happen to his truck if he dared to hit a bump.

I was just about ready to bolt out the door when I could feel liquid escaping down my legs into my underwear and my jeans.  I ran to the bathroom as I knew I had to let some out in a “normal” fashion, but what to do as I wasn’t to let any out!  Have you ever tried to stop Niagara Falls by just letting a little out.  I stood up and it was still coming.  I jammed a sanitary napkin in my underwear to absorb the leftovers, squeezed as tight as I could. I knew I had no time to change. I ran to the truck as I knew I didn’t have a minute to spare to get to the test. I must say it relieved the pressure and pain a wee bit.

I am sure people wondered what was wrong with the lady who was walking in with stiff unbendable legs.  Hey it was freezing outside getting in and out of the truck and it was the frozen jeans that were causing it. Enough said.

The nurse said I had to register before I could be taken in.  I was in pain again as my bladder just kept filling in the empty spaces.  I pleaded with her to let me go some again as it was again just starting on its own.  She guided me to the bathroom and said I could let a little go, but not to  even nearly empty the bladder. Well again the same thing happened.  That darn pee just had a mind of its own.  I finally stopped it up again and checked my shoes before I went back.  Thank heavens they were still dry.  I waddled back to the waiting room.

I was there not ten minutes, when away I had to go again!  I was so embarrassed, but I was so good I didn’t empty my bladder.  Back to the waiting room and another 10 minutes had me ready to fly again.  Just then they called my name and in I went.  I told them they had better hurry or they were going to have a wet bed or a screaming witch on their hands.  The lovely lady smiled and said it would only take a minute to at least check the bladder and then I could let it all out.  Bless her heart she truly hurried and sent me flying to the bathroom.  Wow!  When I returned to finish the Ultra Sound, I announced to the lady that I was now a new woman returning from the slaughter.  I am now at home gulping my clear coffee that is going down and out at its own speed.  Klara

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