One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her defense. “Your Honor,” she began coolly, ”I figured that at 92, if he could do that, he could fly.”
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Brisbane. The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His mates at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”
Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”
They are knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”
I lied about my age,” Bob replies.
“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”
A group of Britons were travelling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in England with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”