Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”  Mick says, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him, “Did you find the shampoo OK?”   Paddy says, “Yes but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine.”

Paddy and Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station. Mick says, “What if one explodes before we get there?”
Paddy:  “We’ll lie about it and say we only found two.”

The Irish have solved their fuel problems.  They’ve imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and are going to drill for their own oil.

Joe says to Paddy, “Close your curtains the next time you’re makin out with your wife.  The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”