Hi Folks.  I did this before but since I have had this fish-baiting instruction column requested so many times and I sure do know there are many newbie fishers out there, I couldn’t resist and you know how I like to educate folks about life..

Spring is here!  Fishing time!  My Clem and I were out for a Sunday drive, and there were all the fishing wannabees, with poles lying on the dock, string in the water, and sipping on something from a bottle, and that bottle didn’t look like pop.

I watched to see my first fish captured for this year, but no such luck.  The only thing caught, I am thinking is a good hard snag of the blues.

I saw men gesturing, with wide sweeps of their arms, like the big one just got away. I was about to yell at them, and lecture about telling the truth, that the squiggly thing in the water was only their dilapidated worm. Clem clamped on to my arm and  told me to leave them alone and let them have their fun. He said that sometimes that was all a man had was his wishful dreams.

It got me to thinking, perhaps they don’t know how to fish properly.  Maybe it is the bait they use and not that the fish just aren’t biting, or got away.

I have fished for many a year, so I thought I’d give some  fish baiting instructions in the hopes that the next time old Clem and myself go on our travels we will get to see the one that didn’t get away.  By the way, when you do catch a fish, please give me all the credit.  Thank you.

Here goes:

  1. Decide if you want to bait with worms or minnows.
  2. Purchase the desired bait, if you don’t like playing in the dirt, or can’t catch those slimy little boogers.
  3. Imagine what fancy, colourful thing dancing by you in the water, would make you flip your gills with the wanting of it, then choose a hook with gizmo like that on it.
  4. Perhaps you might want to purchase a bobber; those red and white balls attached to the string that the hook is attached to. That way you can get clued in when you have a bite, before the darn fish whips the entire pole out of your hand when he/she torpedoes away with your bait.
  5. Now you have to bait the hook. If you decide to use a minnow, you have to get the hook, and try to put it through the cute little nipper’s lips. Make sure to hold tight because I don’t imagine it will welcome that piercing feeling especially with no pain pills.
  6. If you can’t stand to see the pain in those eyes, then try worms. Picture a snake slithering along the ground, and that is how you have to make them look on the hook. I don’t know if you have to start at the head or the hind end, or if it even matters. You will have to decide. I’ve studied those darn things and both ends seem to move at the same time and wiggle the same way. So you could flip a coin – heads or tails!
  7. If you get sick with all of this, I would suggest you just pitch the line into the water with a naked hook, and hope you come up with a blind trout, or forget it all.
  8. Better still, buy some trout or whatever kettle of fish you want on your plate, throw them on a barbecue while you relax in a lounge chair with a glass of your favorite beer. Now that I think of it, maybe that’s what those wannabees were doing when Clem and I were out.


If you want more fun things about life in general, please subscribe to our podcast on iTunes.  Take care…keep smiling.