100% of Honest to Goodness Fat!

         image001No more counting fat grams, percentages, spending four hours at the grocery store trying to pick just the right foods.  

         If I had used my calculator more effectively by adding prices, instead of those elusive fat grams, people wouldn’t have insulted me at the cash register as I took the time to put things back because I didn’t have enough money. Don’t you just love it when you get behind someone like me at the check-out?  

         I want to be “normal”. Give me my popcorn loaded with butter and Parmesan cheese. I want to fantasize about pralines and cream ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, burgers and fries.

       There is a bonus to fantasizing you know. You get doubles of everything. First you visually see it, taste it, smell it, and oh yes, eat it, and then, glory be, you get to gobble the real thing down.

       Give me my pop. I’m tired of the water bit. Trying to wash down those celery and carrot sticks with eight to ten glasses of water. I tell myself this is a test. Water. I’ve tried plain cold, tepid, hot, dashes of lemon, and chunks of lime. I just can’t down that many glasses. Besides, it’s so silly. For every glass of water I force down, I make two pit stops to gush it out.
I haven’t figured out just how the mathematical equation works. Shouldn’t I be dehydrated? I know it’s not replaced by my pop habit. I don’t drink on Sundays.

    I’ve tried portions, and on top of everything else, those portions have to be weighed. I’ve had those darn food scales checked twice. I’m told they’re fine, but I know a healthy portion couldn’t be that fly speck lying there on the plate.

    Someone ought to write our government and have the food guide updated. What about mental health when you follow this? They’ve made no allowance for dessert. I’d be willing to chop my desserts to three hefty portions a day. They’ve got to realize that without my mental health my body would be good for nothing.   

   I’ve tried those replacement drinks. I haven’t figured out just what they’re replacing. Sure not hunger. One chintzy drink or one measly replacement bar only made me hungrier.
It was when I figured out that they were to replace my dessert portions that my body was finally relieved.  

   Do you remember that little candy called Ayds? (Could be before your time). I can’t find them any more. I guess the name is in the outcast list somewhere. I loved the butterscotch ones. I bought a box and kept them in my desk. They were so good. I followed directions implicitly. I had finally found the solution. I was finally satisfied, or so it seemed. I was reading the directions again while on my coffee break, and to my horror, I discovered I was only to take one or two squares per meal. I thought when they said one or two, it meant one or two boxes. I thought I was doing great. I had only one box for the whole day.

   I figured maybe I would try the chocolate ones as chocolate was not my favourite and that way I could cut down. Oh my gosh! Another box gone! I knew I had to cut down somewhat or I would have to take on one or two jobs just to feed my habit.  And how was your day! Ms. Klara