OK, now here is the big one. For all you men reading this, close your ears cause we’re gonna discuss real personal things with the ladies.
Ladies, do you remember seeing that commercial where the sagging gal gets a real lift from the figure 8 shaped gizmo that is attached to the back of her bra straps.
The commercial shows how easy it is to grab those straps and put this contraption on yourself. They make it look so easy and only $14.95 each (you got a couple of different colours I think) and if you bought it right then you got an extra package plus shipping and handling of course. By the time I got round to deciding to give it a try, the commercial had left town.
Well hey now, I was in the dollar store and spied these same things for a dollar. Why I picked up three boxes.
I couldn’t wait to get me home and get busy. I knew I needed a wee lift to make my perky figure look so much younger. Up till then, I figured only a fork lift could do the job, but they swore on TV that this worked and they showed pictures to prove it. Why, the gals even looked curvier. Now I knew I wouldn’t make the curvier part cause my figure 8 had left long ago and was replaced with the figure 0 starting at the top of my head. But I thought that I could use the lift-up that this gadget promised.
Clem asked me if I wanted to go out for lunch and I decided this was the time to get “the lift” going. I figured, from the way the pictures on the TV showed, why my Clem might break his spectacles from his eyes bugging out at the sight of his “new” wife.
I had a couple of hours to get ready, so I got out my Sunday best dress. I jumped in the shower, washed my hair and then put my hair up in rollers, you know just to give my hair a lift too. While my hair was drying, I thought I had best cook some whole wheat pasta so it would be cold by lunch.
I knew the dressing part wouldn’t take long as I’m not a gussied up kind of gal.
Well folks, if you decide to get one of these “lifters”, just let me warn you; start to get ready the night before, cause these things are the most ornery bra fighters I have every had the destruction to work with.
I pulled out my support bra and put it on, then I proceeded to try to reach behind me and bring my two straps together and hook this figure 8 thing onto both straps. The pressure of my trying to jerk those two straps together was almost too much strain for the straps, they kept wanting to escape the stranglehold I had on them. I finally managed to hold the darn things together with my left arm and hand twisted over my shoulder, then came the part where you “easily” insert the two straps into the figure 8.
Now here is me with my right arm and hand over my right shoulder, trying to maneuver the figure 8 thing over the squawking, trapped bra straps. They lied folks, it’s not only not easy, it’s impossible.
I hollered at Clem who was downstairs stirring the pasta, to get upstairs to help me out of this tangled-up mess. He sauntered up and took one look at me twisted all over with both arms and hands and the figure 8 thing giving me the “lift”. One look at my face and the smirk on his face left in one heck of a hurry. I was not going to let this little whipper snapper of a gizmo defeat me.
I gave Clem instruction on how to get the gizmo on. With knees pushed into my back, (reminded me of the old girdle days) and pulling with all his might on my bra straps, he struggled for quite a while trying to catch them in the figure 8 thingy.
Finally, he got it and folks it works, it was the best “lift” I’ve had in years. I heaved a big sigh of relief and just then the figure 8 thingy gave way from all the stress I guess, flew into the open ceiling fan that propelled it into my new light fixture smashing it to bits and finally came to rest on Cranky Dog’s tail.
As to Clem and myself, I saw Clem the other day on the porch, looking at Cranky Dog and laughing that is until I came out with both bruised arms in slings and gave him the evil eye.
How was your day!? Klara
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